i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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