I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
