apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bring me that man meat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
