we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
