i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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