One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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