and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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