Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
