Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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