Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
