there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
