redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
