i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
