he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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