I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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