I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
