My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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