recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
