Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
