i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
