I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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