if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
