I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
