my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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