Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think i have two assholes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
