Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
