You just made me feel so damn special
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
