I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
