Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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