dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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