Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
