do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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