I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
