i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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