Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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