Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
