Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
