a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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