forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
