My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
