Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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