I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
