YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
