Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
