Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
