I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I had your ass I would rule the world
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
