buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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