She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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