I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
