There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
