The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
